Current Comment [excerpt]

     It warms my patriotic American heart to read in the daily press that the workingmen of Homestead, Pa., have given $10,000 to the McKinley memorial fund. For a long time the workers of Pennsylvania have been puzzling their brains over the problem of how to dispose of their rapidly accumulating surplus of wealth, but at last they have hit the right idea plumb center. They will emulate their good friend Carnegie—give it away—not to other wealthy working people as Carnegie did, but to the poor but honest, hard-working plutocrats. How appropriate for the workingmen of Homestead and Hazelton [sic] to contribute their idle, useless cash, for a monument to McKinley, who did so much for them when president! The gratitude of our American wage-workers will never again be called in question—never.

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     Teddy, the only Teddy, our very own Tip Top Teddy, who is rattling around in the presidential chair like a navy bean in a tin wash boiler, thinks his personal safety requires a body guard [sic], and so he allows himself to be followed about by a number of detectives, who, we are informed, are in constant attendance. It seems that Teddy is afraid of the Anarchists, but, land sakes, we never thought he took that Anarchist part of his message seriously—nobody else did. I have heard of people telling ghost stories and then getting frightened at them, but I hardly expected the lion-hearted Teddy would scare at the horrible monster he conjured up in that great literary effusion of his, which he recently dedicated to con- [4][5] gress. But I admit the monster was a whopper—likewise the imagination that conceived it, but I really thought Teddy was joking—hope I may live thru another Republican administration if I didn’t. Is it possible that Theodore the Terrific is rattled?