Current Comment [excerpt]
It warms my patriotic American heart
to read in the daily press that the workingmen of Homestead, Pa.,
have given $10,000 to the McKinley memorial fund. For a long time
the workers of Pennsylvania have been puzzling their brains over
the problem of how to dispose of their rapidly accumulating surplus
of wealth, but at last they have hit the right idea plumb center.
They will emulate their good friend Carnegie—give it away—not to
other wealthy working people as Carnegie did, but to the poor but
honest, hard-working plutocrats. How appropriate for the workingmen
of Homestead and Hazelton [sic] to contribute their idle, useless
cash, for a monument to McKinley, who did so much for them when
president! The gratitude of our American wage-workers will never
again be called in question—never.
Teddy, the only Teddy, our very own
Tip Top Teddy, who is rattling around in the presidential chair
like a navy bean in a tin wash boiler, thinks his personal safety
requires a body guard [sic], and so he allows himself to be followed
about by a number of detectives, who, we are informed, are in constant
attendance. It seems that Teddy is afraid of the Anarchists, but,
land sakes, we never thought he took that Anarchist part of his
message seriously—nobody else did. I have heard of people telling
ghost stories and then getting frightened at them, but I hardly
expected th[e] lion-hearted Teddy would scare at the horrible monster
he conjured up in that great literary effusion of his, which he
recently dedicated to con-  gress.
But I admit the monster was a whopper—likewise the imagination that
conceived it, but I really thought Teddy was joking—hope I may live
thru another Republican administration if I didn’t. Is it possible
that Theodore the Terrific is rattled?